Blessings

Early in the month I participated in a free download by Kiki Creates. To get the image, all you had to do was leave a comment by the deadline listing what you are grateful for this year.

I did; the print is way cute. It says "In everything give thanks, D&C 98:1"

But I was grateful for the reflection moment, since I wrote that I have thought many times about how glad I am for this same thing, so I thought I would share.

You already know we are expecting our first child in early 2011.

When I was younger--before I knew quite how soon I would be married--I always planned to have about one year of just-us-newlywed-time and that I would start a family soon after that. Once I was married I still figured that, but I do not think Eric and I ever set a planned time period. Before we had been married a full year, the housing market dropped so low that Eric thought if we looked really hard we might be able to find a house in our price range. That is to say, cheap. We started in February and looked at SO MANY houses, I know that we bid on at least 13 houses. There was one that we almost bought, but backed out close to the end deciding we couldn't afford all of the fix-up it desperately needed. (Plus, one of the main reasons it was so cheap is because it's backyard is on Southern. I was not a fan of that.)

We later found the house we're in now. It is wonderful for our needs and one of the cheapest I've heard of in Mesa, especially for it's size. We are truly lucky. We also enjoy our ward. It is true that there are things in this house that aren't perfect, but it is definitely sufficient for our needs and then some.

We closed on this house one month after our first anniversary. In my head that was the time we should be getting on the baby train. My best friend Rachael and my sister-in-law Celeste were both pregnant. Hello. But having just purchased and spent a month fixing up a house, our funds were tight. It was not time yet. I kept telling myself it was okay. I will be pregnant before the babies come. I've still got a few months. No worries.

In November, Rachael had Wyatt. No worries Noelle, Celeste is still pregnant. It will be your turn soon.

In late January Celeste had Adria. She invited me to the birth. I had never seen a baby be born before. It was such an amazing experience and I'm really happy that Celeste let me share it with them.

Eric and I were discussing the baby thing at least weekly by now. I was starting to get a little sad. But he assured me that it would be my turn soon enough. We had to wait a little longer.

All the waiting left me thinking feverishly about some of my girlhood fears. (ps. this is the part that started my whole consideration for this post.) I have alot of babies in my family. Being the youngest I watched my brothers and my cousins do the young family thing. I also had Young Women leaders having babies left and right.

I have seen alot of women have miscarriages. Multiple miscarriages. I've seen a few women flat out not be able to conceive. I am terrified of this happening to me. It's a worry I carried around everywhere.

Once Eric and I did decide we could start trying I kept telling myself not to think about that. It would only cause me stress and that can lead to miscarriage. I think I did a pretty good job. I just went on with my daily schedule and spent as much time as Eric's homework would allow together. Until my heart sunk the first time I used a home pregnancy test and it was negative. I even threw up that day. (It was totally the tiny plane's engine's fault. I was sitting right next to it and it was loud and bumpy. I was SO embarrassed.) That weekend was Eric's brother Justin's wedding. It was busy and we had a good time and I didn't really think too much about the negative test. That was a tender mercy I am sure.

The next month it was positive. Eric and I were elated. I am so grateful to have this chance at motherhood. I love my little girl whom I haven't met yet. Eric tells her he loves her too. He tells me how glad he is that our daughter will be part me. I feel movement and I smile every time. She is growing at a steady pace and getting stronger. I am so happy for the blessing that she is in our life, and for the easy time that I have had getting her here.

I did not have to deal with the heartbreak of lost pregnancies or none at all. (I know that this does not make me exempt in the future, but I do not have to worry about these things again for a long time.)

I love that Eric and I are sealed in the Temple and that we have a forever family and this child and others will be ours for eternity.